The nasal spray was a brilliant idea.
Kitchens and bathrooms are expensive, life altering decisions. When spending such large sums of money, you need to know what your purchase will look like.
You can see drawings of course. 3D renderings of the new improvements to your home. But they do not give you anything close to an exact rendition of reality.
The spray changed everything. One quick spritz, and you can stand barefoot on the carpet of your new living room. Touch the grain on the future decking that leads to your back garden. See how well the bronze taps work with your aquamarine tiles. Then within half an hour you are back in the showroom, ready to make the final decision.
One quick spritz, and a revolution in shopping began.
One quick spritz.
That was where I went wrong. My nostrils were glued shut from hay fever. I had assumed the mechanism was faulty, and therefore not delivered the payload. All I did was give the plunger a few extra pumps. Nothing dramatic.
The last thing I saw of Earth was the salesperson batting the bottle from my hand.
Everything turned the colour of smoke for a long time. When reality returned, my new location was not a redesigned bedroom or the calm sereness of a hallway with a new hardwood floor. This place is dark and rusty. Stars rush past a grimy porthole. The air smells of pennies and fish oil. Somewhere far below us an engine hums.
My head pounds with the first wave of a fever. Another being squats in the corner of the room. They have feathers, a beak, and clothes made of suede and neon. They keep muttering, but I cannot understand the words.
On the wall opposite is a thick metal door with a circular handle that would take two hands to turn. I have not tried to open it yet. I am hoping if I wait a little longer, everything will return to the calm neutral light of a kitchen showroom. We will laugh, and have a machine coffee, and I will decide whether to purchase the double door refrigerator.
The birdman mutters again.
It was only a few extra pumps.
Line: One quick spritz, and a revolution in shopping began.
