Deni and I started planning our project today. Still delighted that Link gave the nod. Getting everything complete in time for my departure will be a mission, but such a fun and meaningful way to complete the year. Had enough of cleaning tanks for a while too.
We worked on large sheets of paper, sketching everything in a range of inks. The weather lacked clouds, and so we decided to work near tank 1619. A woman in her twenties was undertaking a Butter Mouse experience, and allowed the screens to project her visions. Unusual stuff. Full colour, and almost no broken lines or fuzz. An ancient building drizzled in snow, much older than anything in my clips. Castles is the word. A pale man waking in a box.
Afterwards she sat down, and in total silence watched the Butter Mouse circle round the tank. We left her be.
This calm afternoon gave me a chance to talk to Deni about the future. A tricky conversation, not least when Deni gives answers like:
‘If you leave..I will still be here.'
'It means...we won't see each other as much. '
They puffed away on a menthol cigarette, and our guaranteed plans were as flat as the paper. I took a break to feed the pufferfish in 158.
We feed them stones to stop them getting bloated. My pacing was poor. You are meant to chuck them in by the handful, but I dropped the rocks in one by one. My friends below wiggled up to the surface, their rubbery lips opening and closing in silent peace.
The clanging made me drop what remained in a heavy rain. For a few seconds I think that everything is about to end, and I did not get to say goodbye.
A bus of school children flew over the Stitch, laughing, and rattling carrots against their windows.
Did not message Deni tonight.
I watched another video of my upcoming destination. In the footage caterpillars bigger than my bedroom crawl up trees the size of skyscrapers.
The police zoom past the window, still patrolling for the other Butter Mouse. Their yellow lights keeping flashing through my window, ruining my sleep for so many reasons.
Is this what life is now? Complicated decisions? Can I not just sit by tank 1619, and watch the swish of a yellow tail?
Clip: Again, similar images to previous clips. Some of the footage is clearly on a cycle, and I have seen that beautiful ship before. But those chords in the first few seconds haunt me. I am desperate to work out what is said, but the words blend into something I cannot decipher.